Book Commercials & Misanthropic Observations

Dear Mr. Telemarketer,

Our telephone number was not created as a convenient marketing tool for you. We pay a monthly phone bill because we value the ability to instantly contact our friends and family across the nation with a simple phone call- not, as you seem to believe, to create an open line that you can use to tell us about your product at any time.

When you call and I answer, I will not swear at you, or mess with your head by pretending not to understand English or waste your work time by listening only to tell you no.

Mr. Telemarketer from Custom Homes, do not cop an attitude with me as if I owe you a minute of my time. I did not ask you to call, I owe you nothing, and I am well aware that you will not somehow be brought to Jesus if I will just listen to your spiel.

When I tell you within the first 5 seconds that I am now purposely not ever going to use your services because I do not want you to get the impression that telemarketing works, it might be wise cut your losses by simply ending the phone call so I can get back to getting ready for work.