Book Commercials & Misanthropic Observations

Please to introduce…

Baby fishy Schrodinger (Schrody for short). He is a “Walmart Rescue” meaning I chose purposely to buy a fish from walmart rather than a quality pet store because any life I give him is better than in those tanks. This also means he has a higher chance of being already sick or stressed than if he had come from World of Fish, my favorite fish store, so there’s a chance he may not live long. Ah well, it’s worth it. I REALLY like fish.

He is a fantail, a breed I chose for their generally smaller adult size . Right now he’s all eyes and head-really really cute. You’ll notice the bubble wand in back is off. That was a bit too much activity for him. I hope to turn it back on after he gets used to his new home. The filter provides quite a bit of movement and should airate the water enough for now.

I’m preaching to myself here: While I will do my best for him, frequent partial water changes, and paying attention to feeding him well and not too much, owning a pet fish should just be fun and soothing, not a science, which it can easily become for me if I worry too much about this or that chemical or providing the PERFECT environment. Kinda like the beer and pizza diet (which is really helpful to those who get food obsessed)- relax, everything will be fine.

Diving right back in

I already miss having a fish and am thinking about another. He will be a home fish, not an office fish to avoid friendly over feedings. I am also thinking I will go back to goldfish. Slap (see picture) was wonderful and had as much personality as Einstein. I’m a little gun-shy about the fragile beta, and don’t want to have a heater in the tank. Also, I would like to keep him a long time if possible, and goldfish can sometimes live to be 20 years old.
This will be at least 3 weeks out, I need some time to disinfect and rebuild my setup. But I’m already getting excited.

The Kindness of Family

Einstein died today, or last night, sometime between the time I went home yesterday and came back to work today. He was such a sweet fishy- he genuinely had a personality, he would swim toward people’s voices, like mine, Cindy’s and Larry’s for some unknown reason (Larry never even noticed). And he would come over to visit people when they came into the office. He would fan out to fight Mary Schettle when she came close to the tank; we decided that he thought her hair looked like another beta. He also clamped his fins down when he was mad, and loved to sit on top of his anemone.

I learned the hard way, however, that an office fish is difficult to keep healthy if the food can be found easily. The week that he began to get really bad I discovered fish food pellets all over my desk, as if someone had spilled them in his tank, and there were well meaning friends who were feeding him not knowing that I was feeding him even on my days off. His tummy bloated, and then he got dropsy. all his fins fell off in one day- it was very disconcerting.

I moved him to a smaller tank and gave him daily water changes, knowing he would die soon and wanting his final days to be as comfortable as possible. It seemed like he died multiple times, and I would get close to check and he would be alive! The roller coaster of emotion was really hard. I knew I would have to flush his body when the time came, but everyone at the office knew I had a hard time with that concept- flushing a creature God made down the toilet. I prefer to bury or cremate pets and wasn’t looking forward to dealing with this.

So imagine how loved and cared for I felt when I came into work today to see this:

Mom had seen him floating in his bowl, clearly actually dead this time, and flushed him for me, rinsed out the bowl, and placed a memorial wreath in his place. I needed that, thanks Mommers.

Paul’s Surefire Best Man Speech Formula

1 funny memory of growing up with the groom
+ 1 description of how much the groom’s friendship has meant through the years
+ 1 or 2 wonderful qualities of the bride
+ 1 why they are so great together
= AWWWW… (clink, clink, kiss)

Paul is in more weddings than anyone I have ever known.I suppose that tells me what a good friend he is to so many people, and where all our savings has gone: Tux rental. He’s also a fun person to ask how the bride is doing that day- he’s seen so many nervous brides he can spot it a mile away.

Giving a super-spiritual answer to a normal question

I was at a picnic yesterday and sat down across from some people I hadn’t met. Now, while I am a true misanthrope at heart, I have a firm belief in social kindness, so I introduced myself, asked a few questions and a friendly round of small talk began. They were a very nice older couple, and we had some mutual friends in common.

The man, (whose name I did not register) asked me what I do. We live in America- this is a common, friendly question that is most often answered with a job description, or sometimes a passionate hobby, and the correct, thoughtful answer is not too long and boring, but tells the questioner something about you (more than 1 word) and leaves an opening for follow up questions, should they want to go that route, or a reciprocal description of what the questioner does. This can very often lead to getting to know that person better, and laying the groundwork for an acquaintance that can grow to actual relationship later. This is not the time for spiritual showing off.

I said “I work for Larry”. My boss happened to be very friendly with this couple and was sitting right next to us. Knowing that this would establish even more mutuality, we both knew him well, and could have lead to a whole ‘nother bunny trail of conversation. But it didn’t- because we were interrupted by someone who felt that was not spiritual enough and told the couple that I don’t work for Larry, I work for God.

Well, that shut the conversation down. I was now a super-spiritual person who worked for God while these poor schleps across from me merely worked for, well, I never found out.

My biggest problem with this answer was that it implied that working at a church is somehow working more for God than other Christians on their jobs. This is the false idea that causes people guilt that they have never quit their accounting job to work in “ministry”, instead of working at that job with integrity and excellence and being the gospel to people in your company.

The other problem is, that’s not what the old guy was asking- come on, people, any one with half a cup of social skill can tell what question is being asked, and if someone asks “Have you seen my car keys?” and you answer “I can share with you the true key to salvation!” you’re just not helping them or anyone else who is trying to build actual relationship in the hopes of being salt and light. You’re just inoculating them against the weird phrases of Christian-ese and allowing them to block it out because they’ve heard it all before.

Note to self

Don’t give someone a book to read, unless they ask for a book to read.

Dear Hannah Ding

It’s cucumber season. Makes me miss the hours we would spend chatting at the kitchen counter over a sliced cucumber and some salad dressing for dipping. Not as fun without you.

Love, B

Probably a wise idea

I’ve cut down on the strictness of my diet because I don’t want to accidentally deprive my eyes of nutrients they may need to heal and modified it to simply avoiding bread and snacking. No real deprivation; I’m making a few choices to avoid unnecessary carbs but not counting them or worrying about it too much.

And I keep my computer on the treadmill – the carrot that gets me walking at least a little.

Lasik

On Tuesday I had Lasik eye surgery. While my current results may not be considered perfect by many, (everyone looks like a 1972 soft focus prom picture) You gotta understand my starting point. I was an “over 6” – shorthand in the optometry world for legally blind. Without my glasses I could not see faces, just colors, differences in brightness of light and soft shapes.

I went without glasses for 1 ½ hours before the procedure, and am grateful for the extended time to understand how poor my sight truly was on Tuesday afternoon. I hope I can remember the difference as time goes by, but I suspect I will forget.

Why not just keep my glasses, with the better resulting vision than my currently corrected version? Because I am only 34 and if I am legally blind at 34, it’s pretty much a given I am truly blackout blind in my old age. And to a reader like me, that’s depression.

Once my eyes settle, I will potentially have a 2nd surgery to get to 20/20. But, this is only day 3, and my corneas are still really swollen, and I had a more drastic procedure than most who get Lasik. I may only need one surgery. I have been crying for days with joy since the first moment I saw the surgeon’s face, a face I hadn’t seen, only heard his kind voice up until then.

Dear smokers

I think I have new empathy for anyone who has tried to quit smoking. I have “quit” snacking for a little over a week now. I get bored, don’t know what to do with my hands, and have been a little cranky about it especially around 8:30 at night when I usually unwind with some cheez-its in front of the TV. I had NO IDEA how much I depend on a little bowl of something, like popcorn, to keep me occupied.

I seriously cannot imagine how hard it would be to quit smoking. Props to anyone who has succeeded or even given it a good effort before going back to it. I think I can see how it would just suck you back in.